My kids have been invited to 7 birthday parties since the start of the year, and that doesn't count their own February and March birthday parties. I can hear other parents nodding their heads in recognition, but here is the weird thing: My kids weren't invited to any birthday parties in the fall. Were there not … Continue reading Why aren’t more Chicago babies conceived during the winter?
I made a list of 40 new euphemisms for female masturbation. (You're welcome.) I can't promise that none of these have been used before, but I did try to avoid the most obvious/common phrases. Warning: Some of these make absolutely no sense, but they all amuse me. Taking selfies at The Bean Playing chess without a bishop … Continue reading 40 new euphemisms for female masturbation
Hold me in your arms as we watch the world burn. Kiss me to the edge of the apocalypse. Touch me like I'm the last you'll ever touch. Touch me like I'll never be touched again. Just touch me. Feel my heart, and let me know I'm alive. Seduce me with whispers of could-have-beens. Tell me we have … Continue reading Love Song with Armageddon
I wanted to write a blog post tonight, but I didn't have anything I wanted to write about. Luckily tonight is Blogapalooz-Hour. At 9 PM our dogged ChicagoNow Community Manager Jimmy gave us all a writing prompt, and we bloggers were challenged to write a post and publish it exactly one hour later at 10 PM. Perfect. The kids are already … Continue reading Jimmy, I hope you like this post more than I liked your writing prompt