I made a list of 40 new euphemisms for female masturbation. (You’re welcome.) I can’t promise that none of these have been used before, but I did try to avoid the most obvious/common phrases. Warning: Some of these make absolutely no sense, but they all amuse me.
- Taking selfies at The Bean
- Playing chess without a bishop
- Reading below the fold
- Taking the self-guided tour
- Sailing the catamaran
- Flooding the basement
- Hacking the home network
- Optimizing your search results
- Meeting with the small council
- Practicing your touch typing
- Shaking out the curtains
- Taking laps around the kiddie pool
- Dotting the i
- Investing in bitcoin
- Clicking the home page
- Punching the pill box
- Touching up your lip gloss
- Polishing the little jewel
- Buffing the bumper
- Keynoting in Cupertino
- Checking some batteries
- Solving cat’s cradle
- Fingering the fine china
- Folding the fitted sheet
- Tapping your own potential
- Being your own boss
- Working from home
- Probing the psyche
- Taming the shrew
- Rocking the Casbah
- Rocking the suburbs
- Rocking the free world
- Knocking on heaven’s door
- Romancing the stone
- Rubbing the raspberry
- Testing the waterslide
- Checking your wallet
- Cornonating the queen
- Pinching the dumpling
- Drafting a blog post
Did any of those touch you in your special place?
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