40 new euphemisms for female masturbation

I made a list of 40 new euphemisms for female masturbation. (You’re welcome.) I can’t promise that none of these have been used before, but I did try to avoid the most obvious/common phrases. Warning: Some of these make absolutely no sense, but they all amuse me.

  1. Taking selfies at The Bean
  2. Playing chess without a bishop
  3. Reading below the fold
  4. Taking the self-guided tour
  5. Sailing the catamaran
  6. Flooding the basement
  7. Hacking the home network
  8. Optimizing your search results
  9. Meeting with the small council
  10. Practicing your touch typing
  11. Shaking out the curtains
  12. Taking laps around the kiddie pool
  13. Dotting the i
  14. Investing in bitcoin
  15. Clicking the home page
  16. Punching the pill box
  17. Touching up your lip gloss
  18. Polishing the little jewel
  19. Buffing the bumper
  20. Keynoting in Cupertino
  21. Checking some batteries
  22. Solving cat’s cradle
  23. Fingering the fine china
  24. Folding the fitted sheet
  25. Tapping your own potential
  26. Being your own boss
  27. Working from home
  28. Probing the psyche
  29. Taming the shrew
  30. Rocking the Casbah
  31. Rocking the suburbs
  32. Rocking the free world
  33. Knocking on heaven’s door
  34. Romancing the stone
  35. Rubbing the raspberry
  36. Testing the waterslide
  37. Checking your wallet
  38. Cornonating the queen
  39. Pinching the dumpling
  40. Drafting a blog post

Did any of those touch you in your special place?

RELATED POST: 20 super short love stories

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