List 38: No list today but I have an excuse (April Fools!)

Even though I only have a few more lists to go I decided not to make a list this week, but I have an excuse. April Fools! Of course I made a list. I have an excuse anyway though. Actually, I have forty excuses. I have an excuse list! These are my excuses for why my April Fools Day list is a bit lame. Perhaps I have an excuse you can use too. Some of these are even true!

  1. My two year old tore my list.
  2. My four year old colored on my list.
  3. I was too excited about the Game of Thrones season premiere.
  4. I was busy ignoring March Madness.
  5. I ran out of coffee. (No. Let’s not even joke about that.)
  6. Three of my last four lists were gallery posts. I deserve a f*cking break.
  7. The weather finally got nice again, and you think I was going to work on a list?
  8. I was too busy planning an epic April Fools prank.
  9. I was working on my list, but… SQUIRREL!
  10. Mimosas.
  11. Easter brunch food coma.
  12. Easter dinner food coma.
  13. Easter candy sugar crash.
  14. I was encased in carbonite.
  15. My account was hacked.
  16. I figured you’d think whatever I wrote was an April Fools joke anyway.
  17. The dog ate my password.
  18. I totally forgot. I mean, I’ve only been doing this for 38 weeks, so it’s not yet a habit.
  19. Stop badgering me!
  20. I was trying to do my taxes.
  21. I was writing a play for the first time in 2 years instead.
  22. The government sequester furloughed my creativity.
  23. I’m still looking for hidden Easter eggs.
  24. Instead of writing I took a nap, and it was glorious.
  25. The hypothesis “this list ain’t gonna write itself” seems to be true.
  26. I saw this thing on Pinterest about how I could make a really great list using paint chips, a crock pot and a 5 minute workout, but it didn’t work for me.
  27. I wrote a list but couldn’t think of more than 39 items.
  28. Epic dance party.
  29. I sprained my typing fingers at the climbing wall.
  30. I was looking for a real job.
  31. I learned that although an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters can write Hamlet they still can’t come up with an interesting 40 item list.
  32. Food poisoning.
  33. Temporary insanity.
  34. I thought the Flying Jesi were the rapture, so I figured most people wouldn’t be around to read a list anyway.
  35. You were all expecting a list. I hate to think I’m that predictable.
  36. The wind blew it away.
  37. My doctor told me to cut back on list-making.
  38. You’re not the boss of me!
  39. I had a magnificent list all ready. It was my best one yet. I was so excited to post it. I had to run to go to the store for some milk. I decided to walk because it was a nice night. On my way back it was dark. A man came out of the alley as I passed. He had a gun. I offered him my money, my cell phone, even the milk.

    He said, “Give me the list.”

    “No,” I blurted out without even thinking. Then I added, “It’s my list. I worked hard on it.”

    He said, “Give me the fucking list or I’ll shoot you right between the eyes.”

    At that moment I stopped thinking about the list. I thought about my family waiting for me at home. My husband. My kids. I thought about never seeing them again. Never hugging them again. Never bringing them the milk. I gave him the list.

    I should have fought for the list. I should have fought for you, but I’m not a hero. I’m sorry.

  40. Sheer laziness.

You can see all of my other lists here.

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