She wasn’t the type of person who used drugs. She barely drank and didn’t smoke. Well, she smoked a few cigarettes in college, but she was never a smoker. She was a rule follower, not a a rule breaker. No, she definitely wasn’t the type of person who used drugs,
But…
She was at a party. A lot of people were using that new drug. You know the one. People say it’s okay because it’s natural. It’s supposed to make you feel amazing. Lots of people do it. She was offered some and politely declined. She’s not that type of person,
But…
Something happened. Dancing in a crowd of chemically-elated people she started to feel something too. Her heart beat faster. Her breath got shallow. He body tingled all over. She hadn’t taken the drug, yet she felt the euphoria. It was mass hysteria but in a good way. It was amazing. It was sensual. It was exhilarating.
She trembled all the way home. The sensation stayed with her the next day and the day after that and the day after that,
But…
After a while, the effect started to fade. She missed it. She longed to feel that way again. She craved it to the point she could think about little else. She couldn’t concentrate. She couldn’t eat or sleep. She couldn’t function. She had to do something.
She booked time at one of those places that cater to people like her. People who want to try the drug in a safe place where their friends and family won’t know. Discreet. The room came with a single serving? dose? hit? (She didn’t even know what to call it.) She set the drug on the desk and rolled back and forth with her finger. Here she was. Here it was. This was so not like her,
But…
Her heart started to race. She could barely breathe. Her legs felt weak. She compulsively ran her finger along her bottom lip. Eyes closed. Head back. Shaking. No, she hadn’t taken the drug. The anticipation of the drug was enough to arouse her. The anticipation alone made her feel like this!
Suddenly, she began to laugh. She thought of all those foolish people wasting their money and risking arrest for what? Just thinking about taking the drug was all she needed to feel alive. Yes, this was more than enough. She could get the feeling of the drug without ever having to go through with taking it,
But…
Does anticipation keep working once you’ve vowed not to do the thing you are anticipating? At some point would her brain send a message to her overactive hormones and nerve endings saying, “Hey, guys. You know she’s never going to actually do it right? Stop getting so riled up.”
And what would happen if she could no longer conjure the feeling? Would she go through withdrawal? What does it feel like to lose something you only imagined? She didn’t like the idea of it,
But…
For now it was working. Anticipation. The great self tease. She was satisfied.
She still wasn’t the type of person who used drugs, yet before she left the place she wrapped up her single dose (unit?) of the drug and placed it in her purse. She wasn’t the type of person who used drugs,
But…
She might be someday.
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This is part of my occasional Fiction Friday series. Read all my past fiction and creative writing posts here.
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Kim Z. Dale 