October 17: Unraveling

The October Diary is a work of fiction originally released serially during October 2015. The complete list of posts can be found here.

October 17th

He is unraveling me. He is pulling my life away like a tugged piece of yarn slowly unwinding a favorite sweater. I just want to cut it off.

What if I did cut it off myself? What if I put an end to the Man with the Shadow Voice’s fun?

I could stop the game early. I could end the torture of anticipation and fear. I could beat him to it. I could take away his prize. I could wipe away that jagged smile.

Which is scarier: Waiting to be killed or doing it myself? How would I even do that? I don’t have a gun and don’t think I could shoot myself even if I did. Wrist slashing seems painful, slow, and likely to fail. Jump off a tall building? Too chicken. Hanging? Seems like another big opportunity for a failed attempt.

Pills washed down with liquor seem like the most viable option, but what type of pills? How many? Where would I get them? Would I just fall asleep and wake up puking?

Even if I did have the courage to pull this off, what would happen then? Would it truly be over, or would I set up some horrible retribution? I fear that the Man always completes his plan one way or another. If I kill myself, he might satiate his craving by taking Annie.

No. I will wait my turn. I will follow the rules no matter how unfair.

What happens next? Read the next part of the story here.

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