Santa’s Workshop has been a target of misogyny accusations and harassment claims largely surrounding the treatment of toy developer Missy d’Elf. Missy and her supporters have been threatened, and their personal information has been posted online. Many argue the harassment is more evidence of the notoriously anti-feminist culture in the toy-making industry. Opponents say the controversy has nothing to do with gender and is simply a matter of ethics in toy journalism.
After last year’s startling revelation that the Elf on the Shelf is part of a secret NSA spying program, Santa Claus was hoping this would be a less controversial holiday season, but tension around this controversy continues to worsen. Santa called a company meeting to calm the volatile situation. As a show of transparency the event was streamed live online.
“Ho, ho, ho! It has come to my attention that my male elves have been very naughty!”
“Not all male elves!” someone shouted.
“Perhaps, but I am still very disappointed.”
Missy interrupted, “Whoa, Santa. You can’t place all the blame on the worker elves. This is started with Dolly.”
“I’ve told you that was a marketing decision. It was not personal.”
“So it’s just a coincidence that when the first all-female-elf toy development team came up with a really great doll you sent her to the Island of Misfit Toys for no apparent reason? She was cute and smart and sassy, but you banished her with the mistakes. The only thing wrong with Dolly was that she didn’t have blonde hair and big tits.”
Someone in the crowd yelled, “Your boyfriend certainly liked her!”
Someone else yelled, “Yeah, what did you do for that journalist that made him like your lame ass doll so much?”
The crowd snickered.
“Hey, Missy, I’ll give you a good review if you come over here and suck my…”
“Stop it! Stop it, everyone!” Santa boomed. “I am ashamed to call you my elves.”
“But that’s just it,” Missy said. “They are your elves. They’re just following the tone at the top. You don’t see women as peers. The toys you give little girls shows that.”
“We talked about this, Missy, and I heard you. Do you know how many Goldie Blox sets I delivered last year? A lot. There are even more on this year’s list!”
“That’s great, but why do girls need special just-for-girls building sets? Why can’t girls just use regular Tinker Toys and Erector Sets? What you are doing is enforcing segregation. Pink LEGOs? What’s next? Pink “girls only” drinking fountains?”
“You are overreacting. I greatly respect women.”
“What about the mistletoe belt buckle?”
” It was a gift! It’s a joke! Jeez!”
“What about performance evaluations when you make female elves sit on your lap and you ask, ‘What would you like your performance rating to be, little girl?’ Huh, Santa?”
“This is a hostile work environment. I’m suing you Santa!”
“Why you little bitch!”
As Santa lunged at Missy the live-feed went out.
A few hours after the incident Santa tweeted an apology, but his account continued to be barraged with objections. Santa’s Twitter account was disabled soon after that.
Out of sympathy for worried parents who feared they would have to buy toys for their children, several major retailers have promised to be open on Thanksgiving to allow more time to shop for the toys that one normally expects to come from Santa.*
*That’s a lie. Those major retailers always planned to be open on Thanksgiving because they are run by awful people who can’t even see fit to give their employees one day to enjoy with their families. Merry Christmas.
- Elf on the Shelf revealed to be part of secret NSA spying program
- The Twelve Days of Christmas with swear words
- Christmas to do list shame spirals
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