The Valentine’s Day Alibi

“If anyone asks what we did on the 14th say we went to a nice restaurant. Or is that too boring? What do you think?”

“What are you talking about?”

“We have to get our story straight.”

“For what?”

“For Valentine’s Day.”

“I thought you didn’t want to do anything for Valentine’s Day.”

“I don’t.”

“Then why are you talking about going to dinner?”

“I’m trying to make sure that we don’t contradict each other if people ask what we did for Valentine’s Day.”

“We won’t contradict each other if we say we didn’t do anything special, which I thought was the plan.”

“If we say we didn’t do anything special you look like an asshole.”

“Why? You’re the one who said you hate Valentine’s Day.”

“I know that, but no one else will believe it. They’ll think I’m only saying that to pretend I’m okay with the fact that you didn’t do anything romantic.”

“Okay, so what do you want to do for Valentine’s Day?”

“Nothing. I hate Valentine’s Day.”

“I’m so confused right now.”

“I hate Valentine’s Day. I hate the forced expectations of romance on demand. You do so many sweet and lovely things all the time that mean so much more because I know you aren’t doing them because of what day it is. But these people! These Kay-Jewelry-buying, dozen-red-roses-with-sprigs-of-baby’s-breath-getting, Whitman’s-Sampler-opening, prix-fixe-by-candelight-eating people don’t recognize romance unless it’s got a giant red heart on it. I don’t want them looking at me with pity while they smugly flaunt their mass market sentiments thinking their love is better than ours when it’s not. It’s so not. Our love is so much better than that! Our love is exciting and magical! I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of thinking otherwise, and the only way I can think to do that is to let them think that we celebrated their stupid Hallmark holiday, too. It’s childish, I know. I hate myself for caring what they think, but I do. Argh! I hate Valentine’s Day so much!”

“I have an idea. What if we go out for a big romantic evening tonight instead? Then we don’t have to lie if someone asks if we did anything romantic because we did, but we won’t do anything special on February 14th meaning you won’t feel like we gave in and celebrated Valentine’s Day.”

She stared at him with her mouth open. He was about to apologize for clearly saying something completely wrong, but then she jumped up, kissed him, and squealed, “I love you so much!”

RELATED POST: 11 reasons Halloween is better than Valentine’s Day

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