I’ve been having bad thoughts. Selfish thoughts.I guess that’s what survival is.
The last time the Man with the Shadow Voice told me I was going to die and I convinced him not to, he took Brendan instead. I knew better than to say no this time because I couldn’t stand for him to take Annie. It wouldn’t be worth being alive if she were the cost.
But what if it didn’t have to be Annie?
It’s awful, but I keep thinking of other people I might suggest he take instead of me.
She’s not married. She doesn’t have kids. Who would miss her?
I would. I’m ashamed I even considered it.
Still, I can’t get rid of the sick fantasy that someone else might be able die instead of me. I look at annoying coworkers and barely familiar neighbors and think, “Why not him? Why not her?”
I hate myself for thinking these things, but I don’t was to die. I don’t want anyone to die, but mostly I don’t want to die.
What happens next? Read the next part of the story here.