I organized my closet today. I made a long list of things I want to do before I die. Practical things. No skydiving or tattoos for me. I’m trying to get everything organized. I’m trying to downsize.
I know how hard it is to have to sort through a dead person’s things, trying to discern what is important and what is not, trying to sift the valuable or sentimental from the junk, trying to do all that while still dealing with the fact that someone is dead. I want to make it as easy as possible for Kate.
I know it will probably be Kate who has to do it. Annie will need to be at school.Oh, I hope she doesn’t drop out! Oh, please, Annie, stay in school.
I am tempted to get rid of absolutely everything. They would find my body in a curiously empty house containing only the things worth keeping. No one would need to worry about what to do with my old underwear or cheap wine glasses.
But there is part of me that imagines that nothing is going to happen. That October 31st will be just an ordinary day. That I’ll go to bed and wake up on November 1st as usual. If I had gotten rid of all my belongings by then I’d feel pretty silly.
Yes, there is still a small part of me that doesn’t think I’ll die at the end of this month. It has nothing to do with hope. It has to do with lingering disbelief. I used to be a very skeptical person.
Mostly, though, I believe I will die, so I am organizing my papers and getting rid of old clothes and unused things in the basement. In the slim chance that I don’t die at least the house will be clean.
What happens next? Read the next part of the story here.
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