February: The James Madison of lunar-based calendar segments

It is popular online to describe things in terms of other things. Something may be the Ryan Gosling of pita chips or the Khloe Kardashian of bed bug eradication services or the Connecticut of Rhode Island. I decided to have some fun with events coming up in February by labeling them as comparisons to other events. Feel free to update your calendar accordingly.

Hey, Girl, James Madison says hello

February 1st, The Super Bowl: The Groundhog Day of professional football

February 2nd, Groundhog Day: The Super Bowl of large rodent exploitation

February 4th, Tu Bishvat: The Arbor Day of Jewish holidays I never heard of before I worked on this blog post

February 5th, nothing in particular: The Cinco de Mayo of a month other than Mayo

February 13th, Friday the 13th: The St. Patrick’s Day of superstition enabling

February 14th, Valentine’s Day: The tax deadline of romantic expression

February 16th, President’s Day: The Columbus Day of people who don’t even get their own holidays

February 17th, Mardis Gras: The 4th of July of bead-throwing

February 18th, Ash Wednesday: The pants-free subway ride of Catholicism

February 19th, Chinese New Year: The running of the bulls of dancing paper dragons

February 22nd, The Oscars: The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade of famous people in fancy clothes

February 28th, the last day of the shortest month: The premature labor of rent being due the next day

By the way, if you couldn’t figure out the title, James Madison was the shortest U.S. president just as February is the shortest lunar month. Can you do better? Suggest other comparisons to describe February and February events in the comments below.

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