A blatantly honest timesheet

Dear boss,

I have some questions regading your message about the importance of accurate timesheets. I am trying to be more mindful in the reporting of my hours; unfortunately, I cannot find appropriate billing codes for many of my activities.

Below is a breakdown of how I spent my 40 hours this week. Please advise as to how I should enter these into my itemized timesheet. Thanks.

  • Going to Starbucks to get coffee twice a day – 2.5 hours
  • Checking and responding to work email – 5 hours
  • Checking and responding to personal email – 1 hour
  • Shopping online – 1 hour
  • Paying bills online – 30 minutes
  • Checking Facebook – 1 hour
  • Checking Twitter – 1 hour
  • Reading other Internet stuff – 4 hours
  • Returning late from lunch – 1 hour
  • Refilling my water bottle – 1 hour
  • Going to the bathroom – 2.5 hours (Small bladder. Sorry.)
  • Talking to co-workers about non-work-related topics – 1 hour
  • Talking to co-workers about work-related topics – 30 minutes
  • Eating donuts in the break room – 30 minutes
  • Attending status meetings to report minimal changes in status since the previous status meeting – 15 hours
  • Filling out my timesheet – 30 minutes
  • Actually doing my job – 2 hours

*    *     *     *     *

Dear current and potential employers,

This is Fiction Friday. That thing you just read is totally made up. I swear. In fact, during a 40 hour work week I actually bend time and space to fit 60 hours of work in a 40 hour space.


Kim Z. Dale, unwaivering professional


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