I hate not being able to see your face

I’ve always been bad at faces. You know that. I heard a thing on NPR about some mental illness where people can’t even recognize the faces of people in their family. No, not Alzheimer’s. Some face-recognition specific thing. Anyway, I’m not that bad, but I’m pretty bad. Like I can spend an hour talking to somebody at a party and a week later not have any recollection of ever meeting them. It’s embarrassing.

Sometimes, it’s more than embarrassing.

Remember your wedding? Of course you do. I remember it. I think about it a lot. It has weighed on my conscience for 6 years.

During the reception I went into the coat room to get some cigarettes. Oh my god, it’s been so long since I had a cigarette! Damn. Anyway, I went in the room where the coats and the presents were, and there was a guy there. I didn’t recognize him, but I never recognize anybody.

I remember thinking at the time that maybe he didn’t belong there. I didn’t want to question him though because for all I knew he was your new brother-in-law or someone I’d met a dozen times at your house. I got my cigarettes and left without saying anything. I didn’t want to be embarrassed.

I traded embarrassment for shame.

When people started talking about things being missing, about someone stealing cards full of money, my heart sank. I was there with the guy, and I could have stopped him. I could have asked him who he was. I could have done something, but I didn’t.

Why didn’t I say anything at the time? What would I have said? “I saw someone, but I have no idea what he looks like?”

I had to finally tell you. Not telling you, not telling anyone, for some many years has eaten away from me.

Are you there? Please talk to me. I knew I shouldn’t have done this over the phone. I hate not being able to see your face.

*    *    *    *    *

This is part of my Fiction Friday series. Read more flash fiction and experimental posts here.

Get notified of new posts by email. Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

You can also find Kim Z. Dale on Twitter and Google+ and like Listing Beyond Forty on Facebook.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.