Licensed to kill time

This is part of my Fiction Friday series.

I kill time. I kill time all the time. I am a serial killer of time.

I strangle it with stupidity.

I butcher it with bitchiness.

I slaughter it with silliness.

I vanquish it with vapidness.

I clobber it with clicks.

I torture it with trolls.

I murder it with memes.

I smite it with smileys.

I eviscerate it with videos.

I bash it with baby pictures.

I bludgeon it with blog posts.

I suffocate it with selfies.

I hammer it with hoaxes.

I quash it with quizzes.

I immolate it with emoji.

I gag it with games.

I torment it with trivia.

I needle it with news.

I maul it with email.

I poison it with private messages.

I sting it with statuses.

I assassinate time with the astute and the asinine. Either works.

I am the Internet, licensed to kill time.

You still dare to question my time killing power? Behold! Here are 13 pictures of cats for no apparent reason!

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Have more time to kill? Read other Fiction Friday posts here, including

• Antisocial media
• My best friend is a book and she’s dying (again)
• Two-sentence horror stories

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You can also find Kim Z. Dale on Twitter and Google+ and like Listing Toward Forty on Facebook.