Warning: This post contains adult language. Actually, after this introduction this post is basically just a string of profanity. If that’s not your thing you should probably skip reading this. If, however, you love swear words I’ve got a special Twelve Days of Christmas song for you.
I did warn you that there would be profanity, right? Here we go.
The Twelve Days of Christmas with Swear Words
(Sang to the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Duh.)
On the first day of Christmas some asshole gave to me some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the second day of Christmas some asshole gave to me two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the third day of Christmas some asshole gave to me three douchebags, two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas some asshole gave to me four cocksuckers, three douchebags, two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas some asshole gave to me FIVE FUCKING CUNTS! Four cocksuckers, three douchebags, two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas some asshole gave to me six goddamn dickwads, FIVE FUCKING CUNTS! Four cocksuckers, three douchebags, two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas some asshole gave to me seven bitchy cockwhores, six goddamn dickwads, FIVE FUCKING CUNTS! Four cocksuckers, three douchebags, two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas some asshole gave to me eight major fucksticks, seven bitchy cockwhores, six goddamn dickwads, FIVE FUCKING CUNTS! Four cocksuckers, three douchebags, two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas some asshole gave to me nine stupid jagoffs, eight major fucksticks, seven bitchy cockwhores, six goddamn dickwads, FIVE FUCKING CUNTS! Four cocksuckers, three douchebags, two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas some asshole gave to me ten nasty shit stains, nine stupid jagoffs, eight major fucksticks, seven bitchy cockwhores, six goddamn dickwads, FIVE FUCKING CUNTS! Four cocksuckers, three douchebags, two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas some asshole gave to me eleven skanky twatwaffles, ten nasty shit stains, nine stupid jagoffs, eight major fucksticks, seven bitchy cockwhores, six goddamn dickwads, FIVE FUCKING CUNTS! Four cocksuckers, three douchebags, two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas some asshole gave to me twelve fuckity fuck fucks, eleven skanky twatwaffles, ten nasty shit stains, nine stupid jagoffs, eight major fucksticks, seven bitchy cockwhores, six goddamn dickwads, FIVE FUCKING CUNTS! Four cocksuckers, three douchebags, two total dicks and some shit in a motherfucking tree.
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UPDATE: To see this song performed in sign language click here.
I wrote this because I was afraid I’d go into swearing withdrawal since Nicole Knepper who wrote the book Moms Who Drink and Swear and writes the blogs Moms Who Drink and Swear and Moms Who Drink and Swear: Chicago Edition is not attending the ChicagoNow Christmas party this year. I feel better now.
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