List 30: Being a parent is f***ing awesome!

A lot of really funny writers have built popular blogs and gotten book deals by focusing on ways in which being a parent sucks. I read that stuff sometimes and laugh, but mostly I’m not a fan of the genre. I don’t need to reminded that being a parent can be hard, and I don’t think it’s healthy to dwell on negative outlooks, even funny ones. When my son threw himself on the floor of the dentist’s office last week refusing to have his teeth cleaned but also refusing to leave I didn’t need a commiserating essay full of veiled profanity. What I needed at that moment was a reminder of why I shouldn’t just walk out and leave him there (besides the obvious legal ramifications).

Below are the things I like to think about when parenting gets rough. To use the language familiar to fans of the humorous mommy blogs I disparaged above,  here are 40 reasons that being a parent is f***ing awesome.

1. “Mama, I love you” is the most f***ing wonderful sound that has ever entered my ear holes.
2. Listening to my kids laugh is a close f***ing second.
3. Kids give the most f***ing sincere hugs.
4. Family snuggle piles are the best f***ing seat in the house.
5. My kids are so f***ing silly. They make me laugh every day.
6. My kids inspire me to be f***ing silly too.
7. Living room dance parties. F*** yeah!
8. My kids are so f***ing cute that I can barely stand it.
9. Seriously, they are so f***ing cute. They look just like little people.
10. They are little people, and each day I get to see their big people personalities slowly emerge, which is so f***ing amazing.
11. It’s also f***ing amazing to realize they suddenly know things and know how to do things that I swear they had no f***ing idea about yesterday.
12. Kids’ imaginations are f***ing limitless.
13. Kids get so f***ing exciting about new things that they make you f***ing excited too.
14. Disney World blows their f***ing minds.
15. Kids are a reason to make up your own f***ing words to songs every day.
16. Bubbles are f***ing magical.
17. Kid’s birthday parties are so much f***ing better than grown up birthday parties.
18. If you do a themed birthday party you can get on Pinterest and pin the f*** out of that shit.
19. Kids ask questions about things that need to be answered with basic science principles that you haven’t thought of for years, and even if you have to look it up it is so cool to have to revisit that shit because science is f***ing awesome.
20. I love sharing really f***ing brilliant children’s books with my kids.
21. There are some really f***ing cool kids shows too.
22. Yo Gabba Gabba! Live is a f***ing great show, even f***ing better than The Book of Mormon.
23. Chicago Children’s Theatre does some f***ing inspiring shit.
24. Puppets. F*** yeah!
25. Play-Doh is squishy and smells f***ing incredible.
26. Christmas is so much f***cking better with kids.
27. So is Halloween.
28. And Easter.
29. And even f***ing Valentine’s Day.
30. You’ll never see a cardboard box as just a f***ing boring cardboard box again.
31. A walk around the block is an epic f***ing adventure.
32. So is just f***ing riding the bus or the train.
33. Bounce houses are so f***ing fun.
34. “You are my sunshine” is just a cute little ditty until you have kids then oh my f***ing god that shit is a f***ing intense. I will cut any motherf***er who even thinks of taking my sunshine away. I don’t even f***ing want to think about my sunshine being taken away. F*** you, you f***ing sappy song.
35. Photo books of the kids make getting gifts for your parents so f***ing easy.
36. Have you ever seen what f***ing angels kids are when they are sleeping? I could watch that shit for f***ing ever.
37. Kids are f***ing amazing.
38. I love my kids so f***ing much.
39. Sometimes I look at my kids and I’m so f***ing overwhelmed with love it’s scary.
40. Being a parent is f***ing awesome. It just is. If you don’t f***ing agree with me you haven’t tried it, or you are doing it wrong.

Okay. Maybe I was a bit harsh about funny mommy bloggers in the introduction. Schadenfreude can be hilarious. Heck, I’ve even done a silly post about an all too constant part of my parenting experience: co-sleeping. I just recommend reading those posts when you are in a position to say, “I’ve been there” rather than “I am there right now.” You’ll stay saner that way. For some serious parenting advice read my tips for new parents.

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